Key events
59 min: Felix dances his way into the Spain box from the left and crosses long for Ronaldo, who is able to telescope a leg and divert the ball goalwards, but only very weakly and from the tightest of angles. Easy for Simon.
57 min: Mendes trudges around the perimeter looking utterly deflated. If that’s a muscle issue, there’s a fair chance his World Cup is over, whatever happens here.
56 min: Nope, it’s bad news for poor old Mendes. He can’t continue, and Semedo comes on in his place. Yamal has a new man to torment.
55 min: On come the physios. This would be a huge blow for Portugal. Mendes is hauled back up onto his feet, but trudges to the sideline gingerly. Not sure whether this is good or bad news yet.
54 min: Mendes goes down, and doesn’t look particularly happy. He might have stretched something while lunging at Yamal during that aforementioned sortie down the right.
53 min: Now it’s Yamal’s turn to advance into space down the right, to little effect. This is becoming a very frustrating watch.
51 min: Neto goes haring into space down the right. A promising situation for Portugal. He crosses low, but Ronaldo hasn’t been able to keep up with play and arrives way too late at the far post. “What must it be like to be a Balogun right now?” wonders Ian Copestake, typing out an email with one hand while theatrically stroking his chin with the other. “A philosopher’s dream in that he officially exists yet morally, ethically and discursively should not if the rule of law is still a thing. But this is America. Truth is different now. So he is very real.”
49 min: Fernandes sends the free kick into a loaded box, and it’s way too strong for everyone. You’d think this match will catch alight at some point, but right now there are precious few signs of it happening.
48 min: Olmo and Ronaldo get involved in an attempted shirt-swapping incident. The former does more tugging than the latter, and it’s a free kick for Portugal out on the right. Fernandes to take.
46 min: Portugal are immediately on the front foot, and Fernandes swings a cross in from the left. But there’s nobody in red in the box. Cucurella ushers the ball out for a goal kick. “Mark Kennedy seems to be labouring under a misapprehension,” begins James Humphries. “It’s surely now clear that no American player can do something red card-worthy. Been fun trying to explain this farrago to my ten-year-old daughter btw, so thanks again to the US, Fifa and their shared lord and master for proving there’s nothing that money and power can’t turn to total [WORD REDACTED BY FAMILY WEBSITE EDITOR]. Hope the Belgians absolutely batter them.”
Portugal get the second half started. No changes.
Half-time postbag: the Donald papers. “I had a nightmare last night that halfway through the World Cup final, a US goal was disallowed! Then a fat guy in a suit and a red tie came down from the posh seats and stormed out onto the field screaming something about Mulligans and pardons and all manner of nonsense. Honest, Scott, it was like France and Kuwait in 1982 all over again. But it couldn’t happen here, surely” – Justin Kavanagh
“I have a question about USA v Belgium later today. What if Balogun does something red-card worthy? What if a foul against him is red-card worthy? Does the ref call Trump or vice versa?” – Mark Kennedy
“Maybe there’s hope for Scotland yet? You know, on account of the fact that El Presidente’s granny is from Scotland, and that he might want them to replace, say, England, or Columbia, or France, or, well, anybody else he doesn’t like through dubious methods. I’m sure a USA v Scotland final could be arranged easily enough” – Simon McMahon
Half-time postbag: the Cristiano letters. “In response to Liisa‘s defense of Ronaldo, here are my thoughts on the matter. There’s a lot about Ronaldo that I dislike…his ego, some of his actions off the pitch…but there are things I do like. He had to deal with a lot growing up and had to fight and struggle to get to the top. And no doubt he’s a great athlete. One of the best to play the beautiful game. But time‘s arrow marches on, and nothing gold can stay, and unfortunately the sun is setting on Ronaldo‘s career. The impression, at least to me, is that Ronaldo doesn’t know how to handle this. He’s been a player for so long that it is etched into his identity. It may even be his identity. So he’s trying to delay the inevitable, because he doesn’t know who he is if he isn’t a soccer player. Meanwhile his selfishness is eroding the goodwill of some of us casual fans and neutrals. It’s sad, really, when you think of it. I pity Ronaldo” – Rebekah Voss
“Just to say Liisa that I almost certainly do need to go to therapy but not because of how I feel about Ronaldo. He was a sensational player and also incredibly annoying to people like me with a low tolerance for annoying people. These two things can, as the kids say, be true” – Niall Mullen
“As a 52-year-old who hasn’t played competitive football since I retired at the age of 10 after two competitive matches, I never thought I’d be able to compare myself to such a giant of the game, but I’m proud to say Ronaldo and I are now a lot alike in three important ways: Our best playing days are behind us, our movement is nonexistent, and many people are bewildered at why we would be selected to represent our country” – Gregory Phillips
“Portugal’s captain could at least have rebranded himself as ‘Donaldo’ for this tournament” – Andrew Goudie
“Nice tribute to Thomas Tuchel from Roberto Martinez, but someone should tell him that he doesn’t have to play with ten men in order to progress” – Gary Naylor
HALF TIME: Portugal 0-0 Spain
This already has the feel of an extra-time and penalty-kick marathon.
45 min +4: Olmo is skittled out on the left. Baena sends the free kick into the Portugal box but Felix has been knocked over, and the whistle goes. The story of this half: it’s nearly happened, but not quite happened.
45 min +2: Porro loops a pass down the right to release Yamal into the box. Yamal puts his body and soul behind a shot, but it’s all power and no precision, and sliced many yards wide right. That was almost a shank. Off the hosel/ankle, perhaps? He was offside anyway.
45 min +1: The first of six additional first-half minutes. Neves attempts to release Ronaldo into the Spain box from the left, but Simon comes to the edge of his box to claim.
45 min: Olmo finds Oyarzabal just inside the Portugal box on the right. Oyarzabal takes a touch back infield, but he’s quickly surrounded. Veiga right up in his grille. The ball’s worked back to Rodri, who hoicks a daft shot way over the bar.
44 min: Mendes floats a cross in from the left, hoping to find Ronaldo at the back stick. But that’s been telegraphed, and it’s an easy pick for Simon.
43 min: That shock shakes Spain into life, and Yamal embarks on a couple of power-dribbles down the middle of the park. He’s knocked off the ball both times, and could easily have been given a free kick on each occasion for his trouble … but he doesn’t get one.
41 min: Mendes one-twos a short-corner routine with Felix. Suddenly he’s in space just to the right of the D. Mendes curls towards the top left. Porro gets a head on the ball, but only diverts it past Simon … and off the crossbar, and away! That was whistling at some speed, and Spain get away big-time with falling asleep at the corner.
40 min: Mendes, out on the left touchline, sprays a glorious diagonal to Cancelo on the opposite flank. Cancelo wins a corner. Mendes comes across to take it.
39 min: Felix was sent – accidentally – into the advertising hoardings while heading that ball back across goal. He takes a while to recover, but recover he does.
37 min: Neto crosses long from the right. Felix, on the corner of the six-yard box, heads the ball back across goal. Ronaldo, not in a perfect position and facing away from goal, still manages to somehow hook the ball behind him, an on-target effort. That’s superb improvisation, but there’s not enough velocity to beat Simon, who adjusts well and plucks from the air. Portugal’s best move so far.
35 min: It’s all a bit scrappy, tell the truth. Not what we were all promised. Not yet, anyway. “Not to pile on,” begins Casiano Martinez, very promisingly, “but I’m what my cat derisively calls a João Felix Truther, and even I’m puzzled as to how he’s starting over Leão.”
33 min: Yamal slips a diagonal pass infield from the right for Olmo, who rolls across the face of goal, hoping to find Oyarzabal. Cancelo is on point to hook clear, just in time.
31 min: Porro barrels down the right and prepares to cross, only for Mendes to put a stop to his gallop with a sliding tackle. But it comes at the expense of a corner. The set piece is worked right to left, then Pedri chips into the box diagonally. Costa kicks it away from the bottom right, but only towards Olmo, who guides a snap-header across the keeper and wide left. Then the flag goes up for offside anyway.
29 min: Olmo is this close to threading a pass down the middle to release Yamal … but Veiga comes sliding across to intercept just in time. Great play all round.
27 min: The game restarts. “With the appointment of Ruben Amorim, my team AC Milan has just signed Gonçalo Ramos from PSG as the most expensive player to date,” begins Giovanni Cafagna. “And he’s on the bench despite last time he played basically saved the game in tandem with Leao, also AC Milan player also on the bench. Joao Felix, who played on loan for AC Milan last year, for half season, was a pain to watch at San Siro, and is just a shadow of a good player, tonight plays. A manager’s decisions are truly unfathomable.”
25 min … and there’s time for a quick pro-Ronnie chat between friends over bevvies. “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired over Ronaldo hate. He’s been my favourite player since 2006 and I admit he hasn’t gelled well with the national team on this stage for a long time. He’s still an epic talent and and absolute icon of the sport. Soccer fans who still have antipathy or feel the need to make cheap digs at one of the greatest players in history need to go to therapy to examine the root of this insecurity or whatever the case may be for that individual” – Liisa Sletzinger
“Rodri and Nico Williams are probably the two Welsh-est names at the World Cup, and that’s enough for me. Come on, Spain. But, I’m not going to jump on the anti-Ronaldo train. I agree it’s madness that he’s starting, and the ridiculously-good midfield is compromised in order to pick up his slack, but he’s still capable of things no other footballer can do. He definitely has a role, but it should clearly be an impact sub against tiring defenders” – Matt Dony
